most of what i've written about this past year has been my journey after a painful breakup. bells encouraged me to write about starting to date again in my mid-30s. what it's like, how i approached it, all the stories that came along with it... i haven't written in a couple months because i haven't had much to share. i'm back in a monogamous relationship with an incredible man i met online. fraser and i have no drama. we have none of that toxic energy i used to think was passion in my twenties. i'm happy being with one man which translates to not having anything to say about dating anymore. we found each other and inspire those around us to throwup in their mouths a little with how well we get along.
mrpretty told me recently that when he asked friends of his who have been happily married for several years how they keep their relationship happy and healthy, they told him that they have manners. they always say please and thank you... sounds so simple but it's so important. fraser insists that we always speak to each other kindly, which is not always easy to do, especially when i'm hungry or tired or upset. that said, i've found that telling him exactly how i feel about any given situation, good or bad, can be done without a fight. i used to think fighting is part of being in a balanced relationship but am starting to buy into this whole communicating calmly idea. don't get me wrong, i get totally annoyed sometimes and, when i do, i tell him in the moment or soon after. he does the same with me... we listen. like saying please and thank you, listening makes a world of difference.
having a healthy relationship boils down to both people going into it whole, knowing who they are and what they want, and committing to it. fraser was not a good boyfriend to his exes because of his own demons; i always tried to be a good girlfriend but had baggage of my own to deal with. we each worked on ourselves before we met. fraser finally deciding to make different choices in his life; me, holed up at home, reading self-help books and writing in journals and making phone calls to various friends. by the time we sat across from each other on our first date last october, we loved ourselves, knew we were worthy and were ready to reveal our true selves to whoever was open to seeing it.
eight months later, back at the same restaurant after sharing happy hour appetizers again at the same table we sat at that tuesday night last fall, fraser asked me to marry him. even in that cliche restaurant ambiance, it could not have been more perfect... our server caught it on video (i thought fraser had asked him to take our photo until he turned me away from our server to face him); fraser could barely get the words out and i swore like a sailor. i said yeah... yes! people clapped. fraser turned to smile at them after we hugged and kissed as a few more profanities escaped my lips, my eyes glued to my gorgeous engagement ring.
i've always thought of engagement rings as a physical representation of how a man sees his partner. mine is a unique, art deco piece with a sapphire on either side of the center diamond. it's beautiful from all angles; he could not have chosen a more perfect ring for me... i get teary eyed when i look at it. if my ring, which he picked out, had set and sized just hours before he proposed, is how fraser sees me, then i must be pretty awesome. i love that he couldn't wait to ask me to marry him.
when i decided to move on with my life a year and a half ago, i was very clear about what i was looking for: i wanted to be with someone who'd love me for who i am and be excited to marry me and have babies with me. i wanted someone who'd see the beauty in my flaws, support my passions and believe in my dreams. i wanted someone who my family would approve of... i wanted someone who would know better than to propose to me on a holiday like christmas (why?), valentine's day (puke!) or my birthday (lame!). i wanted someone to propose to me on a random tuesday.
he proposed last tuesday.
we're getting married in october. a year from the day we met... barefoot on the beach.
