i am a terrible gift giver.
i've never been good at it and especially don't enjoy it during this time of year.
please let me explain.
growing up in the philippines, i didn't get gifts for christmas (or my bday for that matter). the holidays were all about going to church, singing carols, eating late at night and visiting people we loved, who gave you a bit of cash on christmas day. the focus was on being together and when our family migrated to wisconsin when i was ten, the holidays continued to be about spending time with people we love. instead of getting up early on christmas morning to open presents under the tree, my parents packed us up in our van and drove four hours south to chicago, where we spent christmas eve and day going from home to home visiting family and friends. we would laugh and eat and laugh some more. gifts were rarely exchanged.
that's not to say we didn't get gifts. following american tradition (like having turkey for thanksgiving), my parents bought us new stuff around the holidays, which we often picked out and wrapped for ourselves to be opened for pictures on new year's day when we were actually home as a family. through the years, our family tradition stuck: travel to visit people we love for christmas and be together for new year's, which has made the holidays super easy now that we're all married. our parents don't expect us home for christmas but we better be there as one year ends and a new one begins.
as our family grew with spouses and children, gifting became even less significant. we've been picking names for secret santa for so many years i don't even know when we started. i love this so much because i'm literally responsible for one gift... and we all write wish lists, which fyi get shared later and later every year because everyone's super busy. also, we're adults and buy ourselves what we want/need when we want/need them.
my nieces and nephews all get gifts from everyone.
well, everyone except me.
more explaining.
because i'm the only one no longer living in the midwest, i'm the only one who travels home for the holidays. i take at least a week off from my life during this time to be with the people i love and, instead of gifts, i like to take the kids out for a movie and/or a meal. while i'm there, my focus is on spending time with my little loves and happily babysit them all for the week... i have a sister who gets it and one who pointed out that i only have four nieces and nephews last year. why are you so bad at giving gifts? she asked.
oh, i don't know. maybe because it costs fraser and me $1200 in plane tickets (plus two weeks' worth of time off from work) to spend the holidays with both sets of families? i've spent some serious dough on flights to visit my family over the years and consider it money well spent.
i do get it though and gifts have been ordered for our nieces and nephews this year… and fraser's family. and the our two secret santas for my family.
which brings up another thing: every single boyfriend i've had came from families who really do it up on christmas and fraser's family is no exception. the moms of these families will always say it doesn't matter if i bring gifts but i know better. i've been condescendingly spoken to more than once and asked when do we ever not do gifts? even after a boyfriend's reassurance that it was fine for us to show up with one gift for each person instead of two dozen (not kidding. i swear that woman goes to the toy aisle at any given store and buys everything in the girls' section for her granddaughter). it's uncomfortable and wasteful and i'm happy to report, fraser's mom is not like that... now that i think about it, only one mom really was. phew! dodged that bullet.
listen. i love the holidays. i love how festive people and places are during this time and appreciate those who go all out to celebrate the ones they love. that said, the holidays are not all love, laughter and joy for everyone. not everyone has the means to buy their loved ones the latest toys, gadgets and fashions. even worse, not everyone has loved ones to share the holidays with; people lose loved ones to death, divorce and tough luck throughout the year and this time of year is no exception. and must be especially hard for them.
i'm no angel but i do pride myself in being a good, loving person. i smile at people when i pass them on the street and treat people with respect. and while i may not buy gifts, i make sure my friends and family know how much i love, support and appreciate them as often as possible. every day when i can. i meet friends for coffee and give long hugs. i remind anyone who will listen that they have a story to tell and that their story is important. i teach my students (and my nieces and nephews) the value of kindness and compassion. i show them love through my words and my actions.
for the record, i have nothing against gifts as long as they're given out of love and joy (so nice!) and doesn't feel like an obligation (don't do it!).
i am not good at gift giving but love, laughter and joy? those are my jam.
i am never shy about showing love, laughing loudly or spreading joy.
