coffee dates and non-dates and friend dates, oh my!

i've kissed some boys. yes. boys... with an s. 

i'm putting my serial monogamist self on time out. at least i'm trying to... just for a bit.

hear me out. it's been almost a decade since i was last single, and bells, my wiser, more serious younger sister, along with most of my girlfriends, insist that i have a little fun. it's the first time in my adult life that i've been single after all. and let's be honest, six months of my samantha phase is not nearly enough. don't get me wrong. i am not about to do that craziness again. i don't think... whatever the case, i plan on living it up, loving every minute of it and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

let's start with online dating. here's my profile (omg!):

my self summary - i love football. not college. nfl. grew up in wisconsin, so i'm a cheesehead. you don't have to be a packer fan but you should be okay with my team beating yours =) i have a lot of friends and am super close to my family. i adore my nieces and nephews. i love to laugh and do it often. i'm an actress. you should know that.

what i'm doing with my life - i'm pursuing my dream and doing my part to make the world a better place than i found it by running a privately funded non-profit. i work with teenagers. they're challenging but also really great.

i'm really good at - being myself and making people feel comfortable. comes from my dad, who's awesome.

favorite books, shows, movies, music, food - i read the harry potter series in 46 days. i got addicted. it's hard to put down a good book... i love to eat and ask that you do not judge me based on my musical taste, which is shallow. i am not shallow.

the first thing people notice about me - my smile or my ass depending on whether i'm coming or going.
i spend a lot of time thinking about - love. life. my nieces and nephews. what I want to eat.

six things i could never live without - love, passion, kindness, laughter, friendship, generosity... not necessarily in that order

the most private thing i'm willing to admit - I've never been cool.

you should message me if - i'm sort of a white boy kind of girl. also like them tall with nice smiles... you have to be able to make me laugh. super important. if you can cook, that's awesome. nfl fans are a plus.

those of you who date online know exactly which site i'm on. it's free and a good way to see what it's all about. (honestly, i'm a little afraid of match and eharmony because i feel like some dude is gonna propose on the first few dates and i am just not ready for that. for now.) i've gone on a handful of coffee dates off this site. the first one tried to hold my hand and kiss me. (wtf?) the second was super sweet and gave me flowers. i went on a lunch date with him (more flowers) but didn't see it going anywhere. let's be honest, if i don't want to kiss you after a second date, it's not gonna happen. i'm always thankful for the date and super sweet as i kindly decline a third date. no need to waste anyone's time, you know?

i did eventually agree to a third date, mostly because boston made me laugh. he took me out for sushi, one of my favorites. i didn't talk much because he had a lot to say. he kissed me goodnight. it was nice. i saw him a fourth time and wasn't really into it. when i gently declined his offer for another date, he told me to piss off. thankfully, it was via text. exactly why i don't give out my number. lesson learned... i'll continue coffee dating regardless; i look at it as practice for actual dates while enjoying one of my favorite beverages and hopefully having an interesting conversation with a stranger.

in the meantime, i've gone on non-dates: drinks with someone i like but know is trouble and dinner with a friend i've always had a crush on. (yup. really writing this.)

i'll start with handyman, who i started messaging with innocently enough a few weeks ago. he made me laugh and was alternately sweet and umm... dirty. he took me out for a drink and i turned into a fifteen year old who didn't know what to do with herself at his place. i showed up a few days later determined to redeem myself. we had fun; he has abs that i've only ever seen in advertisements and movies (i totally get how emma stone's character felt in "crazy stupid love"). it's almost not fair. who can say no to abs like that? (not me either!) handyman made it very clear that fun is all it will ever be; i agreed. i've been here before, ten years ago, and what i've learned is this: when a man tells you dating is off the table, you have to believe him. no matter how nice he is to you, how much he makes you laugh and how comfortable you are around him, it's not going to happen. ever... but you can enjoy him for awhile. and with those abs? why not? no one will blame you.

now, smoker. we've been friends for a few years and i admire his work. there's something sexy about someone who's good at their craft (i saw alicia keys in concert a few months ago; i had no idea how sexy she was until then. wow!). i'm pretty sure the crush is mutual though he won't admit to it. regardless, we had dinner (something we've been doing for years now) and i kissed him (never happened before) after just to see what it would be like... it was good, which surprised me because he smokes (duh?) and i was sure i would taste it. i didn't (yey!). he recently started seeing someone, so clearly this is a no go and i'm totally fine with that. in fact, i want him to keep dating her and told him not to fall in love with me. i like kissing him and i'll keep kissing him as long as he lets me, but, at the end of the day, smoker is my friend and i don't want to mess with that... if i haven't already.

without question, the best kind of dates i've been on these past few months have been with my incredibly supportive, loving, wonderful friends. whether it's dinner out with super team, bikes and hikes with my wingwomen, dinner in with my hula girls, coffee/tea with designer or another girlfriend, theater with playwright or twirling in our living room before/after dinner and a movie with my roommate, i always have a great time eating, laughing and catching up with them. not only do i not know what i would do without their love and humor, my life would be boring and not very fun. i learned the hard way back in college that you need to make time for your friends whether you're in a relationship or not... especially when you're in one.

these friends are the ones who listen to you obsess over your breakup, your makeup, your crushes. they share war stories when you think you've done irreparable damage at work, in love, in life. when you don't feel human, they make sure you see what they see when they look at you, a strong, beautiful, loving, amazing woman with a heart you can see from a mile away, until you believe it and feel like yourself again... these same friends encourage you to have fun with all this and gently remind you to keep yourself open for the possibility of the real deal because they know you. they understand and support your choices, right, wrong or otherwise, as long as you're being true to yourself... something i've been working on and getting better at everyday.

i know what i want and what i deserve. i may have some fun now, but i won't settle for anything less than i know i'm worth... take it. leave it. whatever.