wedding 101

i've been saving money for my wedding for years. by the time fraser proposed, i would've been able to throw the wedding my ten-old-year self always dreamed of: beautiful catholic church, hundreds of guests, looking stunning in a gorgeous, heavily beaded gown with a train fit for a queen, reception at a great hall with a dj and dancing all night after a delicious sit down dinner... in the fantasy wedding of my ten-year-old self, i was in my early twenties and would've readily become mrs. looksgoodonpaper.

while that wedding would have been beautiful and possibly even right for me fifteen years ago, the one i planned for october is far from the grand fairy tale i dreamed of as a child and much more suited for the woman i am today. it's no secret that weddings are expensive and there's no way i'd blow my entire wedding fund in one day. no way. i am much too frugal/smart for that but did take a little less than half of it out to work with.

after going to a couple of destination weddings over the past few years, i decided that that would be the way to go: small, intimate and wouldn't cost me my firstborn child. once fraser had my family's unanimous approval, i started throwing ideas around with him, my siblings, my close friends... yes. all before he proposed (i had no doubt it would happen sooner than later)... it took me two weeks to make deposits on everything, pick out two dresses and his suit, and get a rough idea of who could make it after fraser got down on one knee. a month later, i am merely writing checks for balances on villas, beach wedding planners and a boat.

this is what i learned:

compromising. initially, i wanted us to spend a week in mexico, jamaica or the dominican republic with family and close friends; we'd get married on the beach and have dinner somewhere nice. because i cannot imagine getting married without my entire immediate family of twelve (parents, siblings, nieces and nephews), we settled on cocoa beach, florida, where we can still get married on the beach and take everyone out for dinner somewhere nice afterwards. my nieces and nephews wouldn't need passports; orlando offers theme parks galore for guests with children and is perfect for potterheads (me!); and more people could come... decide what's most important to you and work around that. for me, having my dad walk me down the aisle is a must along with having my mom, sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews there; the fact that fraser's mom and family are coming is a wonderful bonus.

splurging. i'm much better at saving money than spending it, but sometimes you just have to splurge on yourself. with years of waiting tables under my belt, i realized quickly that taking 40-50 people out to dinner would require a reservation, likely in a private room, which could turn our nice dinner into a reception. there were places to accommodate us that would forgo the reception (i don't want one), but, once i saw the boat, there was no going back. a private sunset dinner cruise sounded awesome, so that's what we're doing... i also wanted everyone to stay close together for the week, so we're paying for two villas to accommodate up to 35 of our guests. i am the last of my siblings, my cousins, my many groups of friends, to get married, so this is a big deal for my extended family, who have been invested in my happiness for the various years we've been part of each other's lives.

delegating. fraser would happily marry me in our living room, reminding me often that he wouldn't love me any more or less based on our wedding day. this is your dream, baby. do what you want. that said, i discussed our options with him before i decided on anything and put him in charge of making final decisions on our invitations, which bells is making for us. he agrees with most of what i come up with but is very clear when he does not like something, which i honor and appreciate... i have yet to meet his family but asked his mom and sister to take care of anything that has to do with our guest book because they wanted to help... doing anything by yourself can get overwhelming. even with fraser, my siblings and close friends to bounce ideas off of, i still needed to count to ten and breathe sometimes. it's totally okay, even necessary, to reach out and ask for help. also, people generally love weddings and want to help you.

making choices. there's an infinite amount of options out there. you can lose hours, even days, just looking through never-ending sites on gowns, dresses, color schemes, invitations... my approach? pick one and move on. i went to a bridal store, figured out what size i wore in their brand, went home and ordered two wedding dresses online; i found gowns on sale in the silhouettes i liked in the store... once i made a decision about the dress, the villas, the beach wedding planners and the dinner cruise, i didn't look back. okay. fine. i still look at wedding dresses online and find ones that are gorgeous, but i don't think about replacing the one i already have... fraser and i need to put this in practice as we come up with our wedding registries, which is a whole other thing.

not sweating the small stuff. our wedding has been really easy to plan. things have a way of coming together for us, sure, but we are also hyper aware of the fact that it's one day; there have been many before it and will be many more after. as awesome as we want it to be, we're doing the best we can to keep it about us and having our loved ones be a part of it. no one will remember that i was barefoot and he wasn't or what font was used on our invitations (sorry, bells)... we're getting married in florida on a wednesday. the beach wedding people we hired only provide up to 40 chairs for the ceremony; we may have our siblings stand up as our bridal party to make room for eight more guests if we have to. there are people we invite who won't be able to come and even more that we simply do not have room for... i sent emails to my closest friends about it knowing that they would understand; honestly, i wouldn't be friends with someone who wouldn't... my hope is that they remember our wedding week as a happy, laid-back, do-what-you-want, laugh everyday experience.

my ten-year-old self would be ecstatic to know that i am marrying a man who makes me laugh, believes in my dreams, supports my passions, respects my choices, treats me as an equal and loves me beyond measure. that we're paying for everything upfront. that we're celebrating for a whole week... she may wonder why i've chosen to hyphenate my name... all the other stuff is secondary.

... except maybe for the looking stunning part. she'd still want that.